Three

Three. My "baby" is three.  BB starts kindergarten this Autumn.  I have become an unlikely expert on superheroes and dinosaurs.  I am almost constantly delighted and worried.  What are they going to learn now?  How will it go?  Will school be exciting, scary, both?  (I know the answer for me, I wonder about BB...)  When I step back from the constant cacophony I am startled by these little... people.  And by how much they have changed me.  Mostly for the better, I think, but I was never this scared of all the evil in the world before.  Now I have an almost constant low-grade anxiety for the pieces of my heart which careen off the walls around me.  I want them to be strong and fearless, so I have to show them that.

On the lighter side, we are pretty much done with diapers, with the exception of nighttime ~ Hooah!  Soon our house will be filled with people who can dress, toilet, and brush their teeth without assistance.  I am already imaging what I will do with all my free time... :-)

February 2013

2013.  I keep saying and writing it, but really haven't assimilated.  Another year.  Another anniversary.  Another madcap Christmas with our combined families.  A five year old.  An almost three year old.  I know I am part of this journey, every day... but I often pause and think, "when/how did that happen?"  "How is it 2013?"  We have to register for kindergarten next month.  School.  I'm not even going to try and find words for the maelstrom of conflicting emotions that threaten to unhinge me when I dwell too long on my baby in school.  Some of the feelings are common to mothers everywhere since the inception of centralized education; some are new and tinged with an unspeakable anxiety particular to this age, these days of fear and uncertainty that you might be next.  And you cannot let that dominate.  But I find I cannot pretend it isn't there, either.  So, we dance, internally ~  between faith and fear and strength and paralysis ~ and hope for the best.  But I really didn't want to write about that.  :-)

Big Brother is a clever child, who loves books.  He is doing well in phonics and sounds out words, though frustrates easily.  He is fiercely independent and draws a dozen pictures a day.  His people are now recognizable as such, and often produces robots, spaceships, dinosaurs, and intricate scenarios in his art, which he is eager to explain.  He likes to "shoot" things, and wields a light "saver" (think Star Wars) when he isn't shooting bad guys.  I don't understand where this driving urge to kill imaginary things originates, and we have lots and lots and lots of talks about it (and, see first paragraph) he understands that there are no weapons at school, ever.  Even in Pre-K, there is a subzero tolerance policy in this brave new world.  Mostly, however, he is a delight.  He is clever and funny and verbal and imaginative.  We joke that he will be a director on stage or film, as he scripts out these elaborate scenes and conversations, give you your part/lines:  "Okay, Mommy.  I am going to curl up on the sofa and you try to sit down and you say, 'oh, this feels like a rock.  Wait, it isn't a rock, it is a whale shark.  No, wait, it is an egg.' and then I will wiggle and you say, 'my egg is hatching!' and then I will hatch and you can feed me and then you see that I need a home, so you will bring me home to live with you."  And let me tell you what, if you don't hit your mark or forget a line, watch out!!!  Then you see the quick to frustrate temper tears.  He is a champ of an eater, which is more than I can say for Little Brother.  LB seems to think cheese, hot dogs, french fries, bread, ketchup, and applesauce are the only necessary food groups.  He talks a lot, and is curious and demanding.  He is also an inspired dancer.  He, too, loves books and we spend a lot of time reading together, which makes Mom and Dad very happy. LB is our fearless child, BB is a bit more risk averse in general.   At the risk of oversimplification, is seems that the older child is a bit more like me in temperament, while the younger is a little more like his Daddy.  It will be fun to see how that plays out over time.  We are potty training, and I am very eager for the day when diapers are a thing of the past.  Of course, that will be another one of those transitions which will likely sneak up on my heart in ways I don't now foresee as other pieces of furniture are outgrown.  Though I like to think I won't wax as nostalgic about the changing table as I did the crib.  We shall see.

Have I mentioned lately that this is just fun?  We laugh a lot, I am funnier by the day, if you ask my boys.  I am so incredibly fortunate in my husband and the father of our children.  He balances me in good ways, keeps me from being too type A when he can, and supports me with the patience of a seasoned crisis hostage negotiator psychiatrist on Valium.  Without a prescription, God love him.  :-)   I could easily write a long love letter of a post to my amazing man ~ I'll give some thought to how that should go.

My four minutes of quiet time for this week are over now.  See you in the funny papers.

Our future paleontologist

Five year old birthday breakfast snack

Defenders of the universe... 

Where did they go?

Those tiny little baby boy bodies that couldn't get close enough to me?  Who would calm in a breath as soon as I held them close?  Who needed us for everything?  How have they transformed into these frenetic, chaotic, independent, LOUD little men who literally careen off of the furniture, walls, and each other?  With every new skill, new step toward self actualization, each epiphany; they move away in  infinitesimally small ways... which is a chance for the parent to revel in, to celebrate ~ and mourn all in the same breath.

I'm all weepy, introspective, waxing poetic and philosophical over a crib.  We took it apart.  LB has been in the bunk bed, sharing a room with BB for a month.  So, we finally over-rode the maternal emotional inertia and dismantled it.  Aside from the ever-present diaper pail (a future milestone I feel sure will ONLY bring celebration, without any nostalgia from me), there are so very few vestiges of the babies they were.  And I WANT that, of course.  Watching them grow is pure magic.  The thrill of their synapses wrapping around something new is such a primal, elemental delight for us.  They make us laugh every single day.  It just astounds me how quickly it has happened.  Yes, I know, everyone I know (and people I didn't) all told me it would go so quickly.  Clearly the only thing in the history of my life in which everyone agreed, and got right.

The good news, of course, is that for those who want to visit us, the spare room where the crib resided until this week is a lot more user friendly.  You don't have to circumnavigate the crib as soon as you enter the door, and you can get in and out of the bed from EITHER SIDE.  I know, crazy, right?  The changing pad is gone, so there is room on top of the dresser for a few things.  One might be able to complete an entire weekend visit to us without having to play where-is-there-an-outlet-for my-cell-phone-charger-and-where-did-I-leave-it?  So, we have THAT going for us, which is nice. 

So, we forge on, amazed and excited, astounded, and occasionally wistful on this adventure.  What a ride.  Come visit ~ if you dare!

Two!! How??

So, the "baby" is two now...

And starting to do more and more things like his big brother...

Who is frequently amazingly patient... (although not always)

 

Our little soccer star...

And growing into a pretty awesome big brother.

Each and every day, I am utterly amazed at the miracles in my life.  These three precious boys with whom I get to share my life never cease to amaze, and sometimes bewilder, me. 

The inner workings of the BB brain are a wonder to behold.  He is fascinated with the concept of his next birthday, and has a VERY long list of things he is going to do, when he turns five.  (Eat barbecue, watch Star Wars, wear a necktie, eat guacamole... the list goes on and on and gets longer pretty much every day.)  He often explains things to LB, and is incredibly helpful in a myriad of ways.   He is learning things so fast, they both are.  Frequently (more than I would like, perhaps) he breaks out with something I didn't know that he knew yet.  More frequently, his take on things just makes us laugh out loud.  

Driving past the historical home of a long former president:  

BB: "That's ----'s house."

Me:  "Yes, it is.  But he doesn't live there anymore."

BB:  "Did he move to an apartment?"

Me: Pause... "No, Buddy.  He was President a long, long time ago, and now he is in heaven."

BB:  "Oh.  He died."  Succint, and to the point.  That's our boy.  

The LB turning two was harder on me than I expected.  It just wasn't that long ago that he was so small, and needed me so much.  Now, he's not a baby.  He's - well, he is just such a BOY.  Watching them together is hilarious and heartbreaking, in turns.  They argue and push and grab toys from one another ~ and then turn around and help each other out, share food, build together... BB is sort of bossy, but I guess that comes both with the territory, and with some genetic coding.  (Just ask MY little brother...)  I can already see little ways in which they each seem to resemble us, which is awesome and terrifying.  Hearing your words come from the mouth of a child will make you stop and think, and sometimes worry!   EEEK!  And then BB will say something like talking about our friend who is the "special forest" soldier, and you just crack up. Of course, the rest of that conversation, in which he asked, "because he is really special, right?" was even funnier, as we replied "yes, he really is special."  He will think that is far funnier much, much later.  (Our friend may not be quite so amused...)

This is bad, even for me!

So, a whole year with Daddy away can be neatly summed up by a card sent to us ~  On the front of the card it reads:  "One day you'll look back on this and say..." and you open it to find:  "Well, that sucked!"  And it did.  We all missed him so dreadfully, and he was so very lonely for his family.  But, we are proud of him and what he does to support his brothers and sisters in arms.  Our sacrifices seem small when compared to so many - but on their own, they still feel huge.  But, HE IS HOME.  And we are readjusting nicely, thank you.  He occasionally has to say, "I'm here now..." so I will stop trying to do absolutely everything on my own.   It's pretty cute.

So, BB is almost four and a half and so very interesting.  Some moments he is belligerent in his independence and others he (in his words this week) "always just want to be beside you, Mommy."  He had his first soccer practice yesterday, which was pretty hilarious. It was slightly less chaotic than I anticipated, but then, not everyone was there.  BB had a good time kicking the ball and wearing his new shin guards.  LB stood on the "sidelines" (a bit of a misnomer, since they didn't actually really play on the field so much as kick the ball around randomly in the vicinity of where we were supposed to be) happily munching from his snack cup and squirting his juice box everywhere.  He picked up a few errant soccer balls and brought them back to us, but was otherwise happy to just sort of chill.  I do wonder about actual games, and keeping him out of the fray when he gets that BB will be allowed to play with the ball and he is supposed to sit it out.  We shall see.  They frequently surprise me.  LB has started really using more and more words, and some short sentences.  He kicked me during a diaper change and immediately said what sounded like "sossy mommy."  His favorite friend is "raffe" - as in giraffe.  He knows most of the body parts, and like most toddlers, delights in poking you in the eye or the belly button with great force as he tells you the words for those parts of the anatomy.  He is still a super finicky eater, and some days I despair of getting him to eat real food.  He went through a phase where he ate Vienna Sausages - hardly a real nutritional win, but protein, at least.  Then, out of the blue, throws them at you.  Daddy said to him, "Buddy, it makes me sad to even buy these, but it makes me even sadder to have to throw them away." Both of these boys have established a stubborn, opinionated streak that make me think they may have been switched in hospital, since no one in our family is like that at all.

This has been a full and challenging year and now first quarter of 2012.   To everyone who said, "Cherish these moments, they go by so fast..."  I get it.  You were all right.  It is impossible that LB is almost two and that BB is getting ready to play (however loosely) a team sport.  Where did my babies go?

We now drive a minivan.  Which, sadly, I adore.  It's awesome.  We call it the Batmobile, and it now has cool bat-logo stickers on it.  I envision stealing Adam West's line for many years to come as I tell the family, "To the Batmobile!"  Whatever works, right?  It's way cooler than admitting to the minivan thing.

We are oh-so-very well, and I will (try not to laugh here) endeavor to post more than three or four times this year.

Peace out.

Memory

I am too busy making them, and trying to remember whether we need milk again ~ to remember or make the time to write anything here.  I called this early on, however, so am claiming points for being self-aware, at least.

Two little guys, with more and more interesting personalities every day.  BB is so very articulate, and literate.  Yesterday, he told me he was "not interested in apples for my snack, thank you, Mommy."  Not just no, but, three year old "heck, no."  Some other recent gems:  "Do you have issues, Mommy?  We don't have issues in the car."  "Mustangs are cooler than Jaguars."  "Is that a rice burner or a Harley?"  When asked recently what he wanted for his birthday, he said, "Cake.  And Cookies.  And maybe cupcakes, too."  When the follow up, "what about presents?" was posed; his reply was, "That would be good."  Kid has priorities. 

Things I never thought I would say, and have... "Don't hit the dog with the pumpkin, please."  "Please stop licking me, that's just weird."  "Please don't eat your shoe."  "Don't pee on your brother, that's icky."  "I told you that soap was not going to taste good." 

I have a whole new appreciation, which I shared with my beloved recently, for the business of family dinners.  Not just the cooking of said meal, which everyone knows is not my forte, but the whole process of deciding what to make, getting the ingredients in house, figuring out when it will hit the table, who will eat what, and how to use the least number of dishes possible so that clean up is quick.  I think, after trying this for a while without his abundant talent and expertise to hand; that the most trying part may well be the front end, not the actual cooking.  I told him recently that the next time he asked me what I wanted for dinner that I was going to actually make an effort to give him an answer.  Usually, I am so grateful to have a wonderful cook doing this for us that I have said something along the lines of "it doesn't matter to me, whatever you want to make."  You see, I thought I was being easy to please, accommodating, and expressing my inner feeling that I was happy with anything at all, because I didn't have to cook it.  In reality, I now understand that some sort of an answer is actually helpful, because it takes at least part of that burden, the endless decisions, day after day after day after day of what to make ~ off his plate, pun intended.  Looking at it from the other side of the chopping block has been illuminating, to say the least.  LB has started feeding himself, occasionally with a spoon, with varying levels of success.  Bath night is any night he eats without help. BB is getting more adventurous, loves broccoli, has eaten pad thai noodles, likes rice, satay, and quesadillas.  We went to a Japanese steak house with some friends, talking up how cool it would be to watch them cook the food right in front of you... LB stayed home with a friend, this was a big boy date.  As soon as the chef lit the oil and flames went shooting up from the grill, BB was under the table.  Literally.  It wasn't until all the food was cooked and the chef left that we coaxed him out to eat his food.  He did try eating with some kid friendly chopsticks - and did a pretty good job!

We are all doing well, it is hard to believe how grown up these little guys are already.  It's a blast to watch their relationship develop, the little guy doesn't take any guff from the big one.  He will grab a handful of BB hair and just lay on him.  Pull him right over.  LB is starting to use some words, "no" (complete with head shake) and "dog" being among his favorites.  He still lights up when BB sings to him or kisses him, or pays him the right kind of attention.  A bond of brotherhood is definitely being formed - complete with the contests.  There is a lot of pushing at our house, and I thought I was talking about sharing a lot before ~ I was just warming up.  For Halloween, I wore a striped shirt with a whistle... but it was less of a costume than my current occupation.  I think that whistle is going to come in handy.

Whole new ball game...

So, it's official.  The little guy is walking.  Not well, and not far ~ but he is walking.  And has teeth.  What happened to my little baby?  Now there are little boys in our house.  And they sure are cute together.  Big brother is so very helpful and cute.  He is, as predicted, getting a little possessive of his favorite toys... but most of them are not good for the little brother yet anyway.  Yet.  We have had a lot conversations about sharing, (and I feel sure will have many more) and I have to say that he is, for a three year old, doing pretty darn well with it.  He will even take things over to his little brother (LB from here in) voluntarily, especially if the little guy is unhappy.  He sings to him and only pushes him occasionally.  At this moment, when big brother (BB from here in) pushes him, LB thinks it is HILARIOUS.  He still thinks every bit of attention he gets from BB is pure gold and smiles every time BB opens his mouth.  Our poor dog can't decide how to feel about it.  Bigger boys means better food dropped more often - a definite plus... but mobile boys like to pursue soft fur... not such a plus.  BB likes to feed the puppy, though, which is helpful.  He also can get the key, unlock and open the door, and let the dog in or out into the backyard... which is helpful, but scary.

So, we are muddling through, and I have a whole new definition for the word "tired."  I don't think I really understood it before.  I never have trouble sleeping anymore, which is nice.  The boys are pretty good sleepers, too ~ finally.  It will be better when they are old enough to understand Saturday morning doesn't have to come at 6:00 a.m., though.  That will be what, 13 or so?

Until next time, pleasant journeys.

How do other people do it?

Not that I am competitive... but how do all my friends have time for cool blogs?  I have pretty firmly established that I will get to this about once every three or four months, depending on what is happening in our lives.  Sigh.  So, it is February.  I am not yet finished with my thank you notes from Christmas (very unlike me, and something I should be doing now instead of this...)  The little guys and I are doing well, though we sure do miss Daddy.  It is the little every day things I miss the most.  It is wonderful to see his face and hear his voice on Skype, but it is just not the same.  The boys seem to be coping pretty well, despite the fact that they are stuck with Mom's cooking.  :-)  I know that this is harder on him than on me, because I get to see our kids every day and he does not.  But he is doing his best, and sends notes and things in the mail, and we talk.  Today, February 14, he sent me a beautiful bouquet of roses.  We weren't supposed to do anything.  But they sure are pretty.  Though I miss my husband more than words can express, I am a pretty darn lucky lady.  I am counting my blessings, and they are many. 

November 2010

What a year! I cannot believe it is almost December.  This has been a VERY full year for us, some trying, some amazing.  Our little family is growing so rapidly, and is so much fun to watch.  Yesterday, our newly minted three year old said to his father, "Daddy, we talked about this.  Remember?"  Something I say to him on a frequent basis, I confess.  (Not to Daddy, to the little guy.)  He is precocious, to be certain.  And such a great big brother.  All my fears of his jealousy and displacement seem to be for naught.  Now, when his little brother is mobile and starts getting into his stuff, things may change.  But for now, they are so very sweet to each other.  The surest way to get the baby to laugh is for his big brother to talk or sing to him.  LOVES it.  The little guy has figured out how to roll over and has started "scooting."  Not a crawl, really, but traveling, nonetheless. 

March to September 2010

So... I predicted this, to an extent.  When my life is busy, full, and exciting; I tend not to sit down and record it.  Now, we have two boys, three if you count the dog.  (Which we sometimes do, he needs care, feeding, and love, too!)  Being mom to two is different, but so unbelievably cool.  I sleep less, but function fine.  (I think there is an excellent biological design that allows new parents to do what has to be done, and survive, even enjoy those times which may not appear to be all fun.)  Even with the middle of the night feedings, and that cry that is directly connected to my central nervous system responses;  I know that I will miss this when it is over.  It will be exciting when the little brother is moving and doing things on his own, playing with his big bro; but that time when Mommy is food and solace for everything is precious and indescribable.  It is powerful.  When your kid's face lights up at the sight of you, there is a joy unlike any other. 


The big boy is a source of continuous amazement.  He is so darn smart.  He is growing up so fast, and such a sweet and thoughtful child.  He is a toddler, and is learning about control and independence.  But even as he does, it is phenomenal to see him learning, growing.  Potty training is - well, training.  He does well when he wants to.  But he has to want to.  I confess that while pregnant and immediately post partum, it was a lower priority for us, and he seems to be progressing almost despite my encouragement for that window.  He loves to build things, he loves fire trucks, and says the most entertaining things.  We went to ride Thomas the train a few weeks ago - THAT was fun!